I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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