tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
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Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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