I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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