I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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