Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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