I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
