My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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