wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
love makes seman taste better
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
