i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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