Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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