Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
