we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
