Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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