This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
