at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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