U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
MIDGETS
????
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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