You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
