she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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