Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
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