We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
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as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
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We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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