I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
