I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
