Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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