Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
a search helicopter?!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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