if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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