Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
