he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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