quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
