In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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