i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
