This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
