I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
