sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I will be naked everywhere
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
