so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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