dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
