if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
