i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
