I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
