I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
