you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
