I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
