Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
