whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
