dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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