no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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