shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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