you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
