Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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