I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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