I can text with my tongue
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
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