So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
