Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
