I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You smell like stripper and shame
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
