Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
