I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
