i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
