Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
