No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize