I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
