I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
