I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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