so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
