I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
