his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
