I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
