census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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