If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
