His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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