You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
