You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
