I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize