every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
